Stories of the Moose

The Figment That is the Moose

Aw, how cute, your imaginary cat friend from your childhood. 

There was a time when I had someone living with me for a few months. We had met on yahoo! Personals and I quickly asked her to move in with me. Moose really liked this situation: she now had someone to pester all day long while I was away at work.

Every once in a while, my girlfriend needed to go down to Social Services to straighten out the horrendous tangle of incompetence and bullshit that comprise this nation's ass-backwards social programs. At least once a month, she had to visit some pencil-pusher to re-convince them that she was unable to work due to her health problems.

On one visit, her case worker asked her about her living situation and how she was getting along. When she mentioned that she was living in a nice condo with a friend and an ancient cat named Moose, the case worker shot her a raised eyebrow, as if she were concocting the whole story. I can imagine the suspicious commentary....

"A elderly cat named Moose. Right." The pencil-pusher hurriedly scribbled some notes and then said with some authority (and I paraphrase): "You are clearly suffering from delusions. You are attempting to cope with the stress of your miserable existence by summoning memories of a childhood imaginary friend in the form of this cat. The cat is a figment of your imagination and clearly does not exist." A figment, no less! When we told the Moose of this story, she squinted and asked in her most disapproving Marge Simpson voice "What's a Figment? Is that like a Goddess?"